Jacob Elali
Recently I have experienced for the first time some serious burnout as a software engineer. It's a weird experience, but I'm willing to share it within this blog post, in hopes of some self-reflection.
I've been reflecting heavily on the burnout we as engineers experience. I understand everyone may have different reasons for getting to this point, so I'll briefly explain mine. In my mind, I gamify my career. Every new skill is a level-up and the more I learn, the 'stronger' I get. I look up to better engineers and can't wait to surpass them. In this pursuit, I try very hard to develop myself. Whether it be SQL, cloud, API dev - they are all different shiny swords I have to acquire and master.
I'm also a very emotional engineer. While I understand everyone makes mistakes, if I feel I've blundered in a way, it affects me. It's especially heightened when I make mistakes in front of others. This is likely some sort of subconscious effort to seem reliable and dependable to others.
The reason I say all this is because just through working, over time I feel as though my energy is a lot less. My desire to push forward is weak, and I procrastinate completing trivial tasks. The company I work at is generous when it comes to time off, and my team is very understanding. However, I feel taking time off will only temporarily delay the inevitable return of this feeling. I also want to speak to the feeling itself; it's dreadful. Work gets completed at a slower rate, which makes attending standup so daunting. Not all weeks are like this, but when it is - it really sucks.
My beautiful fiancé has recommended I fix my sleeping pattern as it may be contributing to it. I've started reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius which inspired me to write this blog as it helped his own self-reflection. I've also realised I'm not doing any work I particularly have interest in. I remedy this by taking wins out of every task I do. "XP" is "XP" after all, and I will attempt to make time to persue some hobbie projects. The friends I have at my workplace make standups and going to the office alot more appealing.
I'll conclude by saying I know this feeling is temporary and it will pass. To whoever's out there also feeling this way, keep your head up, we'll get through this! I thank God for all my blessings, and that helps me too.